Mondays are always crazy for me, but being in Linden Oaks has really upped the crazy for me so far. It has helped me immensely, but I still feel like a chicken with my head cut off running around.
This morning I thought I had to be there early, so I was panicked when I got there at 8:30 a.m. Thankfully, I was just confused but traffic was causing me my morning stress. 50mg of Hydroxine helped with that. And some coffee.
I get there and go into my first group of the day. Now, I have developed a Nicotine addiction as well, so the first group of the day, for literally the 1 hour and 40 minutes I had to sit there was TORTURE because my Juul wasn’t charged. I kept moving and couldn’t sit there. I saw myself doing it, but I needed it.
At our 10:10 a.m. break, I FINALLY got to smoke. I hate that it’s such a release, but let’s face it, it is. I go and smoke with Nicola, a friend from group, gorgeous girl, and show her what it is so maybe she can stop smoking Cigarettes. One drug for another right?
After break, we go back in. I’m starving so I open my lunch backpack and start snacking for the second group. Hot Pikniks and Diet Coke. It’s honest to God a wonder how I’m not still 200 lbs.
I can pay attention, but not as well as I should have. Trying to focus is a hard thing for me when I’m hungry. I know Lunch is at 12:30 p.m., so I just have to try and get through as best as I can.
I like to highlight, text mark, all of that fun stuff, so trying to that in a small chair with people on both sides can be a struggle. Always moving and shifting. I wish we could have a table at all times attached to us. I know that’s what someone invented the clip board for, BUT STILL.
12:30-ish p.m. finally rolls around, so I start planning food. The Dunkin’ won’t deliver so me and Nicola get McDonalds because they’ll deliver. So I go to my car, cool down, come back in for Blue group, which is the chill group. My favorite group of the day. I can go on my computer and half listen, like school.
I have my phone out to get the food, yet the Uber driver is from the city, and isn’t familiar. He starts doing suicide circles in the parking lot so I try and help, but it’s very stressful sometimes. I can’t control others so I get aggressive. I must’ve terrified this old black man from the city.
FINALLY get the food at 1:15 p.m. and go back to group. I missed a whole hour so I learned my lesson with food in that area. We get to take a break and I can eat my Nuggets. I feel good at this point! Then I get pulled to talk to a therapist, who’s super cool and chill so it’s fine.
I got back to group by 2:20 p.m., enough to do my checkout list of the day, safety concerns, and plans for the week. But now I get to go home!
I went to Target to get my prescription, but got sucked into the Target vortex. I got groceries and a lot of stuff I needed, so I was proud of that! I got home and put everything away and organized even more, so that always makes me feel happy and accomplished.
I wasted away in the best way possible. When I got done with that, it was about 4:30 p.m., so I was outside until 7:30 p.m. getting some heat and humidity. Cindy O, my old DH came over for a while and hung out, ate and smoke with me. I love her.
What more could you want; food, friends, dogs, sunshine. Such a perfect setting for me. I took the lithium with dinner, so by 8:30 p.m., I needed a nap. I slept til 9 p.m., woke up, Papa made me a grilled cheese and some tomato soup, watched some SVU.
Got my butt in the shower, did a quick shower, shit, and shave, and came back to my room for some more R&R. Got to finish my grilled cheese by 11:30 p.m., I have cold and hot tea, my Juul and snacks everywhere. It’s been a great day for me. Even if it won’t end for a little while longer. Once a night Owl, always a night Owl. As I’m here typing this at 12:20 p.m., that’s become very clear.