An open love letter

To: You

From: Me

Oh my sweet pumpkin, how I love you. I think about you constantly day and night, wondering what you are doing, what you are thinking, if you are happy. I think about all of our memories so far, how happy you make me, how you give me butterflies every time I see you. Whenever we hang out and one of us has to leave, my heartaches. We can sit and do nothing all day and I am more happy than I have ever been before.

When I first saw you, I saw comfort, I saw happiness, I saw your handsomeness, I saw you. I knew you were cute, but I thought you were shy. You had a comforting voice, a calm in the storm that my life once was. I kept looking at you from time to time, sitting next to you when I could, talking to you when I could. I gave you my number and I was and still am very grateful you texted me and we started talking. I saw how you sat, how you talked, how you moved and I was hooked. I wanted to get to know you, even if it was just as a friend, because I knew you were special.

When we first started talking, I could tell I liked you right away. You were funny, kind, gentle in ways I never knew possible. I flirted and you missed it, but that was okay. I was a little heart-broken at first, but now that we have been together for a bit, I know that you didn’t intentionally mean it. I thought about talking to you about some of your issues, some of mine, getting to know your interests in music, TV, movies, and finding out what makes you who you are. I liked everything about you. I have never been able to say that before about someone. I would always find a flaw somehow, but with you I can’t seem to find one. When you laugh, my heart is full; when you cry, my heart breaks even harder than I thought imaginable.

You are smarter than you can imagine. You learn fast, ask questions, and take time to understand the important things. You know how to answer most of my random questions about anything I ask. You know how to explain things to me and help me find answers when I cannot. You show me what it’s like to learn something from the ground up. You have taught me more than you think you have in many ways shape and form.

Your kindness radiates off of you onto everyone you know. You are a trustworthy person who knows how to show compassion when needed, be kind to those who need it most. You show how sweet you are with animals and people alike by what you say and how you say it. You make everyone feel equally important in your life, like no one is better than the other. You make me want to be a better person, just like you.

You humor is dark and twisted. You can crack a joke when comedy is needed, when someone needs to laugh. You say silly things and live to read memes. You find dash cam videos more interesting than most, and you miss Vine every waking moment. You look for the humor in anything you do or see, casting that bright light when you or others are in a dark place. You make even the most mundane things exciting and build them up, so doing a simple task is way more fun than it needs to be.

You have had a rough life so far. You’re only twenty-one, but you have lived such a life so far, that no one can compare to the hell that you have made it through. At night I think about who you are and where you’ve been, and I want to cry for you right then and there. I’ve never been able to find the correct words to say what I want to you when you share your stories. All I can think to say is “I’m sorry.” I have no idea how to put into words how strong and brave you are, how you are an idol in my eyes. How I just want to hold you til the world stops hurting you, to help take some of the burden off of you. I want to help you, to carry your weight with you. You are the last person on this planet who ever deserves what you have gone through.

I know you have had a rough life, a rough last couple of months; but, I see you getting stronger and stronger each day. I see you becoming more confident, more sure of yourself everyday. While you may feel lost, you don’t look like you are. You may think you will fail, but I know you never will. You have the will, the power, and the drive to do whatever you set your mind to. I know that whatever path you choose you will do it with grace and dignity. I will support you in anything you do.

You came into my life at a difficult time. I was, and still am figuring myself out, but you have stood by me through that. You accept my past, who I am, what I stand for. You never disrespect me or make me feel weak or inadequate. You make me feel wanted, loved, in the most amazing way. I could have only imagined in my dreams that I would find someone as amazing as you are. I aspire to be like you each and everyday. You’ve helped me through more than you know, and for that I thank you.

Whenever I am having a bad day or moment, I like to think of your laugh. It makes my heart happier to see you happy. When I am feeling down, I think of the ways you make me laugh and cry at the same time. I think of how you sing in the car, how you quote fifty random things a day, how you brighten up a room whenever you walk in. I think of the first time you said you loved me. I think of how happy and full my heart was, how it had never felt like that before. I will always remember Johnny B Good and the random lady who said we were a cute couple on our third date. These moments make me smile, they make me feel full when I am empty.

We have only known each other for a short amount of time, but I know that you are someone I will forever have in my life. I want the memories, the experiences, the love with you and only you. You will forever be one of my best friends, my partner in crime, the peanut butter to my jelly. You mean so much to me, I can’t even put it into words properly. Everyday I wake up and just thank the heavens and whoever is up there that I have you, that they sent me to you. To me you are perfect. With you I am home. I love you.

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